Supporting Phonics at Home When Reading Was Hard for You Too

Some parents tell me, quietly and often a little apologetically, that they can't really help their child with reading – because reading was never easy for them either.

If that's you, I want to say two things straight away. You are not alone, and you are not the wrong person for this job.

Dyslexia and reading difficulties run in families. If your child is struggling, there's a reasonable chance someone else in the family found it hard too. That shared experience is not a disqualification. Handled well, it's one of the most valuable things you can offer.

What Actually Helps (and What Doesn't)

The most common assumption is that helping means sitting down and reading aloud together, fluently, every evening. If that's difficult for you, it's easy to conclude there's nothing you can do.

But fluent reading aloud is one of the least important things a parent contributes. Far more useful are the things you can do without reading a word.

Sounds Before Letters

Phonics rests on hearing the sounds inside words. That's listening work, not reading work, and you can do all of it out loud.

• Play with rhyme. "How many words rhyme with cat?" In the car, in the queue, anywhere.
• Clap syllables in names – Ra-fa-el, Mum-my, ba-na-na.
• Spot first sounds. "What sound does sock start with?"
• Blend sounds for them to guess. "I'm thinking of a c-u-p." They put it together.
• Break words apart. "Can you say dog in its sounds?"

Say the sound, not the letter name – "mmm" rather than "em". That single change makes blending far easier, and it's the most common thing I correct.

None of this requires you to read.

Let Someone Else Do the Reading

You can be completely present without being the reader.

• Audiobooks are not cheating. A child following a story they love is building vocabulary, sentence patterns and a reason to care about reading. Listen together and talk about it.
• Let your child read to you. They get the practice; you get to listen, notice and praise.
• Take turns by the page or the line, so neither of you carries it alone.
• Re-read old favourites. Familiarity builds fluency, and you'll both know the words.

Use Your Hands

Multisensory work suits nearly every child, and it takes the pressure off the page entirely.

• Magnetic letters on the fridge to build words
• Writing sounds in sand, flour or shaving foam
• Tracing letters on each other's backs to guess
• Tapping out each sound in a word on fingers

Keep It Short

Ten focused, cheerful minutes beats forty minutes of everyone getting upset. Stop while it's still going well – that's what makes tomorrow possible.

The Part Only You Can Do

Here is what a tutor cannot give your child, and you can.

If reading was hard for you, your child is watching someone who found it difficult and got on with life anyway. Saying so out loud – "I found this hard too, and I still do sometimes" – does something no lesson achieves. It tells them that struggling with reading is a thing that happens to capable people, not evidence that something is wrong with them.

Children who conclude they're "the thick one" stop trying, and the stopping does more damage than the dyslexia. Your honesty is the best protection against that.

When to Ask for More

If your child is working hard and still not moving forward – if sounds learned one week have gone the next, or reading stays effortful long after it should have eased – that's worth looking at properly. Not because you've done anything wrong, but because some children need teaching that is more structured and more explicit than home practice can provide.

Asking for help isn't handing the job over. You'll still be doing the part that matters most.